Stigma Hurts

Dear Society,
What do you want me to be? Do you want me to conform to your ideals? Why can't I be me? Don't I deserve to be me? You have labeled me even before getting to know who I am. I am not what you think I am because I am human with feelings, just like you. Who am I? Well, I am Di, I have friends, and I am just like you except I deal with a mental illness.

I see that you just put your wall up when I said those two words, "MENTAL ILLNESS". Why is it that it is a taboo for me to say those two words when it is a part of life all around us? Why is it that you treat someone with a broken arm differently and knowing that it take time for that arm to heal and is that any different than a mental illness – a broken mind that needs time to heal? Would I look at you differently if you had said that you deal with a mental illness? No, I would be there to support you and encourage you to be you. Please can you take down the wall a bit so I can explain?

I am Di and I have a mental illness. Don't put me down and say that you understand what I am going through. You haven't been in my shoes. Have you dealt with being abused growing up, being diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), an eating disorder, and major depression for most of your life? If you have then you can say you understand, but until then, just listen and keep your mind open to what I have to say.

I have lost friends because they lost faith in me. They didn't believe in me. I have also lost friends to suicide. It isn't something to joke about either. It hurt and it made me feel worse about myself and being labeled with a mental illness.

When someone says to feel better and be happy, it hurts. It doesn't just hurt me; it defines me, minimizes my situation and continues to put me into the victim role. Do you think I like being put into the role of a victim? No, I want to be able to control and what defines me as being ME as I venture through life.

People have said, "She's stupid; she doesn't understand; why would I be her friend?; why is she depressed?" right to me, and over me. Please include me in conversations, as I sit right beside you, and don't talk over me but with me. Ask me what I want and/or need, and I will tell you. It may take me a bit, but I will tell you.

When someone asks me what I want/need, they are giving me a voice. A voice that was silenced to the abuse, PTSD, eating disorder and depression, and a voice that is so incredibly hard to find again. Finding my voice has given me a chance to speak up, and say to others that I am human and your words hurt.

Give words of encouragement, "I am here for you; you can do this because I believe in you," when I don't think I can continue fighting in this world. When someone else says they believe in me, I begin to believe them and I end up believing in myself in the long run.

Having someone to be willing to listen I know is so important and not jumping to conclusions, and having someone to just sit and cry I know is so important. Also, friends of mine have given me a pen/pencil and paper because sometimes the words cannot be found, but I can draw out exactly how I am feeling. For some people having a pen and paper to write out how they are feeling, thinking.  Giving a person crayons and letting them colour, doodle, draw has helped in getting the feelings out. Simple things may be all the person needs, not downsizing what they are truly feeling.

Everyone is a bit different, so there is no one way that will magically help the person; if a person needs help ASAP, they can always go to the emergency if they are seriously suicidal and/or homicidal, and/or call a friend who is willing to listen to what they have to say, openly. Also, there are the local Crisis lines and/or health lines where you can call a person and be able to get support over the phone or even be advised to go to the emergency room.

Please, remember, suicide is not the permanent answer to a temporary problem. Suicide kill many people a year, and injures many more including family, friends, co-workers and associates. I have attempted before, by jumping off a bridge as I thought I would be successful, but I wasn't. I have had to deal with injuries that have hindered me to the point where I can't do certain things. Yes, suicide crosses my mind often, but I have learned that I need to talk with someone and let my feelings out, instead bottling them up.

I have feelings just like you, I cry and I laugh with you, I listen to what you have to say. Please give respect to me and to others who tell you that they have a mental illness, because I could be you, and you could be me. I could be judging you for a label, which really doesn't mean a thing in the long run. A mental illness doesn't make a person stupid or be an imbecile, but just another person who lives in a world that doesn't give justice to everyone equally. When there is a person with an illness, don't shy away, but include them. It will show that you want to be a friend. Holding out your hand in a time of despair shows that you are there to support, even if not a word is said.

Thank you for listening to what I had to say and bringing that wall you built around mental illness down a bit. It makes a huge difference. You may not think so, but it does.

Sincerely,
Di, a person diagnosed with a mental illness, but is venturing forward in life…


Does my mental health define me?
NO, IT DOES NOT!!!

I have been diagnosed (mental health related) with: Depression (Major), Bulimia (Eating Disorder), and PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder).
   
I have depression along with the rest of my health issues as a result of genetics. It doesn't help that there was abuse involved in our life either, but the abuse doesn't say that I am pre-dispositional to getting depression. However, for the diagnosis of PTSD, there had to have been something traumatic in my life – abuse.

My mental health is a part of me. I still have to live with it, day in and day out. I still have the thoughts every night of:
"Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the lord my soul to keep.
For if I die before I wake,
I pray the lord my soul to take.
… PLEASE let me die before I wake!
Amen."
I have said this poem, with the addition added on, from a young age.

In 2008, I found out that my one uncle committed suicide on my father's side, and I finally had proof that it is more genetically in our blood, than ever before. I know, I'm not the only one with depression. I was told when I was younger that an aunt of mine did try to commit suicide, and I don't know if she passed away or not. Don't know how reliable that is, but that was something I heard a long time ago.

My depression is severe. When my depression hits … it hits hard to being beyond debilitating. Where getting up hurts. Every night I say that prayer – just for the hope that I'll be able to sleep and never wake up.
  
There is something else you should know about me …

I do have a life outside of my mental health issues. Somewhere. Some days, it is hard to find life, but I do. On those special days, I do enjoy things like … writing, drawing, painting, doodling, playing with the dogs, going outside, existing (somewhat), and trying new things.

I am human. I have feelings. I love people and things. I get hurt when someone says something nasty to/about me. Often people don't hear me for what I am, they only see the mental health issues. I want to try new things. I have bad days and I have good days. Sometimes the bad days outnumber the good, but the good days are worth it. I like talking to friends. I like sharing my drawings, paintings and even some of my personal doodles. I like writing what I've been experiencing.

See, I am human. Please don't judge me, for I do have feelings. When you judge me, you are judging not only this body, but everyone else who has a mental health issue, and a good chance a family member …

I am more than my mental illness. Except that there has been this stigma throughout all of society that those with mental health issues are banned from any and all conversations of getting better and mental health, and this includes suicide as well.